Sardarji Jokes - Part 1

Just wanted to share…….

A Sardarji went to US and had a meeting with Bill Clinton.

Bill: I want to show you the US advancement. Come with me.

He takes him to a forest.

Bill: Dig the ground. Sardarji did it.

Bill: more...more...more... Sardarji went up to 100 feet.

Bill: So now, try to search something.

Sardarji: I got a wire.

Bill: you know, it shows that even 100 years ago we used to have telephones.

Sardarji became frustrated. He invited Bill to India. Next year Bill was in India

Sardarji: I want to show you our advancement. The same...he takes Bill to a forest.

Sardarji: Dig it. Bill does.

Sardarji: more...more...m.?l. Bill goes up to almost 400 feet..

Sardarji: try to find something. Bill tries.

Sardarji: Did you get anything?

Bill: No, there is nothing here.

Sardarji: you know, it shows that even 400 years ago we used to have WIRELESS!!

Actual Ads on a Matrimony site

These are actual ads on a matrimony site. Grammar and spell errors have no place in a profile description as everything is straight from the heart!

Disclaimer : I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after reading this mail...
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- Hello To Viewvers My Name is Sowmya , I am single i dont have male, If any one whant to marrie to me u can visite to my home. I am not a good education but i working all field in bangalroe.. if u like me u welcome to my heart... when ever u whant to meet pls viset my resident or send u letter.. Thanks

yours Regards Sowmya ~*~
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i want very simple boy. from brahmin educated family from orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework

(Homework?)
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Wants a man who knows me better and can adjust with me forever. he may never create any difficulties in my life or his life by which the entire life can run smoothly. thank you

(The principle of running life smoothly was never so easy!)
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he should be good looking and should have a service. he Shoulsd have one brother and one sister. he should be educated.

(ain't it unique !! 1 brother 1 sister criteria !)
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I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I love to make friendship. Becauese friendship is a first step of love. I am looking for my dreamboy who will love me more than i. Because i love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on ........ hold my hand forever !!!

(The dilwale dulhaniya effect)
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i am simple girl.I have lot ofproblemin mylife because ofmylucknow i amlooking oneboyhe caremeandloveme lot lot lot

(I don't know why but this is one of my favorites)
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My husband should be as 'Shiva' as in Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki and as Tanwerr as in KSBKBT......

(Ok I haven't seen these soaps but I am sure she must be demanding too much, ain't he?)
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i want a boy with no drinks if he wants he can wear jeans in house but while steping out of house he should give recpect to our cast

(by not wearing his jeans? Wat the hell...)
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HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING GIRL,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A BOY ,THEY ARE 1.THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION AND THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.

(all of us are loughing{laughing})
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whatever he may be but he should feel that he is going to be someone groom and he must think of the future life if he is toolike this he would bde called the man of the lamp

(I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this girl wants)
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i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and i love the patner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok

(I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is suffering from "Ok-syndrome")
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HI IAM VERY COOL NUATHER OK MY HOBBY IS SEE T.V AND NEWS OK I HAVE 1 CAR AND 1 BONWL OK MY MOTHER ALSO GOOD OK MY FARUET WORLD IS OK

(the "ok syndrome" again)
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iam pranati my family histoy my two brother two sister and fater&mother sister complity marred

(somebody please explain in comments section how to get married 'completely'?)
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iam very simpel and hanest. i have three sister one brother and parent. i am doing postal sarvice and tailor master my original resdence at kalahandi diste naw iam staing at rayagada dist.

(actually what is this girl doing? Postal service or tailor.??)
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my name is farhanbegum and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes

(height of desperation! )
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Iwant one boy who love me or my mother. he love me heartly or he havea frank he's skin colour 'normal'not a black or not a whitey. IThink the main think is heart if your heart is beautiful then you are beautiful. but iam not a handsome girl or not a good looking. but my Mom say that Iam a good girl. My father already expired . iam ''AEKLAUTA''. THE CHOICE IS YOUR.
bye bye.

(uttama purishinin)
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iam kanandevi. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred.

(No comments)
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I AM LITTLE FAIR INDIAN COLOUR. I DON'T HAVE ANY HABIT.

(maybe the poor guy meant BAD habits)
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hello i am a good charactarised woman. i want to run my life happily.i divorced my first husband.his charactor is not good'. i expect the good minded and clean habits boy who may be in the same caste or other caste accepted ...

(but credit cards not accepted..???)
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my colour is black,but my heart is white.i like social service

(Zebra..???)
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i'm looking out for who lives in bombay, boy simple who trust me lot should be roman catholic, LOVE ME ONLY.

(Now that criterion is a must, isn't it?)
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to be married on jan-2005. working man perferable

(this girl has fixed the marriage date too! But she is yet to find a bridegroom. I wish her best of luck on behalf of all of us. I am sure she will get one soon.)
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i would like a beautyfull boy. and i do not want his any treasure. because boy is the maharaja.

(Now he is going to be a lucky boy! Any takers?)
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ssc failed three times and worked with privated ltd company which not paying salary at present.

How Precious we are!!!

Sometimes we just need to be reminded!

A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20.00 bill. In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this $20 bill?"

Hands started going up.

He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this. He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill. He then asked, "Who still wants it?"

Still the hands were up in the air.

Well, he replied, "What if I do this?" And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into
the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. "Now, who still wants it?"

Still the hands went into the air.

My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20. Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the
circumstances that come our way.

We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who DO LOVE you. The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know, but by WHO WE ARE.

You are special- Don`t EVER forget it."

You may never know the lives it touches, the hurting hearts it speaks to, or the hope that it can bring. Count your blessings, not your problems. And remember: Amateurs built the Ark .. Professionals built the Titanic.

7 don'ts after a meal

My friend forwarded this information to me, and I just thought it was informative, so thought I'd share ……

1. Don't smoke- Experiment from experts proves that smoking a cigarette after meal is comparable to smoking 10 cigarettes (chances of cancer is higher).
2. Don't eat fruits immediately - Immediately eating fruits after meals will cause stomach to be bloated with air. Therefore take fruit 1-2 hr after meal or 1hr before
3. Don't drink tea - Because tea leaves contain a high content of acid. This substance will cause the Protein content in the food we consume to be hardened thus difficult to digest.
4. Don't loosen your belt - Loosening the belt after a meal will easily cause the intestine to be twisted & blocked.
5. Don't bathe - Bathing will cause the increase of blood flow to the hands, legs & body thus the amount of blood around the stomach will therefore decrease. This will weaken the digestive system in our stomach.
6. Don't walk about - People always say that after a meal walk a hundred steps and you will live till 99. In actual fact this is not true. Walking will cause the digestive system to be unable to absorb the nutrition from the food we intake.
7. Don't sleep immediately - The food we intake will not be able to digest properly. Thus will lead to gastric & infection in our intestine.

Strength of your Password

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Ragav's Johari Window

Arena (known to self and others) caring, knowledgeable, wise

Blind Spot (known only to others) adaptable, kind

Façade (known only to self) loving, sensible

Unknown (known to nobody) able, accepting, bold, brave, calm, cheerful, clever, complex, confident, dependable, dignified, energetic, extroverted, friendly, giving, happy, helpful, idealistic, independent, ingenious, intelligent, introverted, logical, mature, modest, nervous, observant, organised, patient, powerful, proud, quiet, reflective, relaxed, religious, responsive, searching, self-assertive, self-conscious, sentimental, shy, silly, spontaneous, sympathetic, tense, trustworthy, warm, witty

Dominant Traits

100% of people think that ragav18 is adaptable
100% of people agree that ragav18 is caring
100% of people think that ragav18 is kind
100% of people agree that ragav18 is knowledgeable
100% of people agree that ragav18 is wise

All Percentages

able (0%) accepting (0%) adaptable (100%) bold (0%) brave (0%) calm (0%) caring (100%) cheerful (0%) clever (0%) complex (0%) confident (0%) dependable (0%) dignified (0%) energetic (0%) extroverted (0%) friendly (0%) giving (0%) happy (0%) helpful (0%) idealistic (0%) independent (0%) ingenious (0%) intelligent (0%) introverted (0%) kind (100%) knowledgeable (100%) logical (0%) loving (0%) mature (0%) modest (0%) nervous (0%) observant (0%) organised (0%) patient (0%) powerful (0%) proud (0%) quiet (0%) reflective (0%) relaxed (0%) religious (0%) responsive (0%) searching (0%) self-assertive (0%) self-conscious (0%) sensible (0%) sentimental (0%) shy (0%) silly (0%) spontaneous (0%) sympathetic (0%) tense (0%) trustworthy (0%) warm (0%) wise (100%) witty (0%)

Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 6.8.2008, using data from 1 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view ragav18's full data.

Phonetics

Very informative….

More than a million times has it occurred that I have come across professionals, especially over the phone using phonetics like d for dog, p for puppy, m for monkey and so on...

It sounds really unprofessional and unfortunately this is mostly followed in Indian companies. I though of sharing my views and inducing everyone to use standard phonetics than the funny ones.. I truly hope this info does some good to all..

Here they are

A= Alpha
B= Bravo
C= Charlie
D= Delta
E= Echo
F= Foxtrot
G= Golf
H= Hotel
I= India
J= Juliett
K- Kilo
L- Lima
M= Mike
N= November
O=Oscar
P=Papa
Q= Quebec
R= Romeo
S= Sierra
T= Tango
U= Uniform
V= Victor
W= Whiskey
X= X-ray
Y= Yankee
Z= Zulu

TWO GLASSES OF WINE

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 glasses of wine...

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.’ The professor then produced two glasses of wine from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The student’s laughed.’ Now', said the professor, as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things; your family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions; things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.’ The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car. The sand is everything else; the small stuff. 'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.' Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. Do one more run down the ski slope. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first; the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.’ One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the wine represented.

The professor smiled. 'I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of glasses of wine with a friend.'

A real good definition of Stock Market

I am not sure who wrote this article, but whoever did, has done a good job of it. If any of you know who wrote this, let me know so that I could mention it here.

A real good definition of Stock Market

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs10.

The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at Rs10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort.

He further announced that he would now buy at Rs20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.
Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms.

The offer rate increased to Rs25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.

In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at Rs35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell it to him for Rs50."

The villagers squeezed up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys. Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!! !

Welcome to the "Stock" Market!!!!!