Cheap ticket

Just wanted to share....

Attendant: Welcome aboard Ala Carte Air, Sir. May I see your ticket ?Passenger: Sure.

Attendant: You're in seat 12B. That will be $5, please!

Passenger: What for ?

Attendant: For telling you where to sit.

Passenger: But I already knew where to sit.

Attendant: Nevertheless, we are now charging a seat-locator fee of $5. It's the airline's new policy

Passenger: That's the craziest thing I ever heard. I won't pay it.

Attendant: Sir, do you want a seat on this flight, or not ?

Passenger: Yes, yes. All right, I'll pay. But the airline is going to hear about this.

Attendant: Thank you. My goodness, your carry-on bag looks heavy. Would you like me to stow it in the overhead compartment for you ?

Passenger: That would be swell, thanks.

Attendant: No problem (grunts). Up we go, and done! that will be $10, please.

Passenger: What ?

Attendant: The airline now charges a $10 carry-on assistance fee.

Passenger: This is extortion. I won't stand for it.

Attendant: Actually, you're right - you can't stand. You need to sit, and fasten your seat belt.
We're about to push back from the gate. But first I need that $10..

Passenger: No way.

Attendant: Sir, if! you don 't comply, I will be forced to call the air marshal. And you really don't want me to do that.

Passenger: Why not ? Is he going to shoot me ?

Attendant: No, but there's a $50 air-marshal hailing fee.

Passenger: Oh, all right, here - take the $10. I can't believe this.

Attendant: Thank you for your cooperation, sir. Is there anything else I can do for you ?

Passenger: Yes. It's stuffy in here, and my overhead fan doesn't seem to work. Can you fix it ?

Attendant: Your overhead fan is not broken, sir. Just insert two quarters into the overhead coin slot for the first five minutes.

Passenger: The airline is charging me for cabin air ?

Attendant: Of course not, sir. Stagnant cabin air is provided free of charge. It's the circulating air that costs 50 cents.

Passenger: I don't have any quarters. Can you make change for a dollar ?

Attendant: Certainly, sir! Here you go!

Passenger: But you've given me only three quarters for my dollar.

Attendant: Yes, there's a change-making fee of 25 cents.

Passenger: For cryin' out loud. All I have left is a lousy quarter ? Whatever will I do with it ?

Attendant: Hang on to it. You'll need it later for the lavatory.